Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
