Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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