SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
