someone get that fucking seahorse.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
