I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
