just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm always down for nudity.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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