i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it hurts more in the daytime
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
