that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My cat gives me a boner
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
