you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
