I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
