The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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