Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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