I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
