I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
