Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
