FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
