Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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