call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
