Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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