so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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