If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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