i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
