i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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