Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
