Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
