why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
