Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
