i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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