The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize