my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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