you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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