The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
