so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
