Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
