I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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