I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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