Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
