I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
