census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
