Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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