dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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