lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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