I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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