so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
