I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is the high leading the old right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
