no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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