this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
