So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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