Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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