what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Acid is not a monday night drug
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
