I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
