ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
