I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
