He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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