Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
