This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
