things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
