We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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