I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
