Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I smell stomach acid.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
