Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
