I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
