He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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