just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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