uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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