just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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